Self-pleasure is the cornerstone of human sexuality! Did you know that babies masturbate in-utero? Babies in the womb will reach between their legs and explore themselves because it feels good. We know inherently that this is a pleasurable, positive activity.
However, particularly for women, masturbation is generally considered taboo and we are not given the agency to take control of our bodies and our pleasure. As a result, a lot of women don’t masturbate until much later in their lives. The ones who do masturbate do not explore themselves to their full potential. This is a big reason for the orgasm gap between men and women- we leave the burden of pleasuring up to our male partners, who are completely clueless and treat the woman’s orgasm as a medal on their chest. The truth is a woman who knows her body and knows how to make herself orgasm can guide her partner to help her achieve orgasm. This is not something a man “gives” a woman, but rather something that our bodies are innately capable of.
So are you ready to explore the immense pleasure your own body can give you? Grab some lube and let's get started!
Using lubrication always, always helps. Almond oil or baby oil is a good lubricant for masturbation. You can also use a water based lube like KY Jelly if you are going to be incorporating a sex toy!
Start with your clitoris, which is the small glans at the top of the vulva. You want to start slow and gentle, use different motions and see what feels good. Going circular around the clitoris and building up to direct stimulation is a good idea- otherwise, it can get too sensitive.
Simply stimulating the clitoris with your fingers or with a vibrator can get you to orgasm, but if you are comfortable with penetration, consider adding G-spot stimulation to your masturbation technique. For this, you can use your fingers. The G spot is found on the upper wall of the vagina, towards the belly button. It will be no more than 2 inches or so deep, you don’t have to go probing. Feel around the upper wall and you should find something that feels like a ridge, and right there the texture will be rougher than the surrounding walls. You want to apply upward pressure and use your fingers in a come-hither motion or circular motion. Let your instinct guide you, you can add clitoral stimulation to this for a full- body orgasm.
Using your imagination is the best way to arouse yourself. However, we all need fodder for the imagination. Reading erotic stories online will give you just what you need- there are many websites with titillating stories written by women, for women. Alternatively, you can find some good quality porn- mainstream porn sites have content that only caters to men, and a lot of women don’t find themselves aroused by watching it. However, if you find that you enjoy watching porn, there is no harm in using it to arouse yourself.
3) Aiding the process-
You can use a sex toy to upgrade your masturbation technique. Bullet vibrators are amazing for the clitoris, and you can also find a curved sex toy for g-spot stimulation.
If you don’t want to invest in a sex-toy and wish to use a makeshift one (phallic vegetables are very popular), be careful about hygiene. Use a condom on your temporary dildo before you insert it inside you. The vagina is very sensitive to pH changes!
If you have trouble achieving orgasm through masturbation at first, don’t worry. It is not about the destination. Focus on having fun with your body, trying out new methods and positions, and maximizing pleasure. For most women, it takes more than 30 minutes or up to an hour to achieve orgasm, that too with adequate and constant stimulation. Releasing psychological stress is very important because it hinders pleasure, and constantly worrying about the orgasm is a source of stress. Have patience with your body and learn about what feels good to you, orgasms are just a natural consequence!
Written by:Indraja Saroha
Indraja is a sex positivity activist and aspiring filmmaker. She promotes comprehensive sex education and open dialogue about sexuality issues on her YouTube channel, Liberating Sexuality.