Guide to cunnilingus

Everybody loves oral sex. And for good reason. For anyone living in the year 2018, going down on a partner is absolutely non-negotiable. Just like a wise owl once said, “there is no such thing as bad oral sex”. She adjusted her glasses. “So long as there is any” she added after a pause. However, there IS an art to cunnilingus, and it does not involve tongue acrobatics as many might believe.

Forget what you’ve heard and seen in porn, there is no special magic tongue trick to make a woman cum from oral, not even the one you consider your signature. Regardless of whether you fancy yourself a connoisseur or are completely clueless about cunnilungus, here are some steps to up your game and blow her mind out of the orbit.

Get her comfortable -
Comfort and attraction is a big factor, bigger than technique in a lot of cases. Take it slow, pay attention to her before and during foreplay. Compliment her, a lot of women feel uncomfortable about the way they look down there. A simple, “I love the way you look down there” can really put her at ease and get her into the mood.

Start slow- 
The moment you get down there, don’t attack her clit with supersonic intensity mimicking the motion of a DJ at Tomorrowland. The intensity can get painful. Think of the clitoris as a miniature penis but with 8,000 nerve endings. You want to caress at first, use your fingers to spread her labia for easier access. Don’t start directly on the clitoris, but around it. You can increase pace and pressure slowly, but teasing is the first step- kissing, gentle sucking and licking will all go a long way. Make sure you don’t use only the tip of your tongue, you can lay your tongue flat against her vulva and go for long strokes. Wetness increases pleasure on the clitoris, so adding flavored lube certainly helps.

Eat it-
Remember to be consistent with your rhythm. If you change your motion too often, you’re being counterproductive. Create gentle suction on the clitoris and labia minora with your mouth, it increases the blood flow. You can add fingers too, stimulating the G-spot and clitoris at the same time will have her moaning at the top of her lungs. Whatever you do, don’t unleash all your moves and techniques in quick succession. Take your time.

LOOK OUT FOR FEEDBACK - This is the most important thing. Everyone is different, everyone likes different things. Be mindful of what she is responding to. Check in verbally if you need to. Along with consistent rhythm, a keen perception is very necessary. Find out what is working, and run with it. 

Try new techniques 
She might enjoy light nibbling, or sucking. She might like it very, very wet. Some women like it directly on the clitoris, others really don’t. Ease into new techniques, and follow up with her when you try something. Let the responses guide you, because every woman will like something slightly different.

Respect for your partner, putting in the effort to establish comfort and tailoring your moves to their needs, will always be the biggest aphrodisiacs. Don’t make rookie mistakes by buying into hacks. There is no substitute for truly caring about your partner’s pleasure. Can we get an amen in here? 

Written By: Indraja Saroha

Indraja is a sex positivity activist and aspiring filmmaker. She promotes comprehensive sex education and open dialogue about sexuality issues on her YouTube channel, Liberating Sexuality.

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