‘The way to a penis-equipped person’s heart,’ the old adage goes, ‘is through their stomach.‘ But the real way to reach someone like that is to explore him a bit lower down … with your mouth.
Below we provide people with penises and those who love to gobble them a guide to the most intimate pleasure “a man’s best friend” can experience.
We have it on inside information that one of the most-asked questions from male callers to the San Francisco Sex Information switchboard is: “How can I get my partner to go down on me?” Alas, there’s no simple answer. The world would be a wonderful place (and a very busy one) if all sex partners had an equal interest in fellatio (or cunnilingus, as mentioned above), but life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes you just have to accept no for an answer; if your partner finds oral sex unappealing, hours of pleading won’t work.
If your partner doesn’t like going down on you, then they really have no right to complain if you don’t reciprocate. But remember, there’s a big difference between begging and discussing. If your lover shows reluctance, talk about it. Ask questions. Your partner may harbour some anxiety that you can assuage.
Often, people shy away from fellatio for very specific (and easily remedied) reasons, the most obvious being a fear of having something rammed down one’s throat, or getting a load of semen sprayed into one’s mouth when one least expects or welcomes it. The person who is resisting may had a bad experience like: someone held the back of their head while something long, hard and alive was shoved down their throat and the shovee sprayed a load of semen into their mouth with no warning.
Fellatio can just as easily consist of kisses, licks and gentle lapping and loving sucks up, down and round the entire penis, as it can the giver wanting to execute a full-on hob-nobbling and gurgling. As with everything else, communication is key here to what the giver and getter wants. A little “I am gonna cum,” from the getter, or gently tapping the shoulder of the giver could avoid the obligatory mouth-load.
Honestly, who’d want to put their mouth on anyone who hadn’t taken a few minutes to bathe, or even trim? Uncircumcised penises, especially, sometimes have a gummy, white build-up under the foreskin, the charmingly named “smegma.” A gentle wash beforehand will get rid of this. And a little self-grooming (trimming your public hair) will also prove to the one about to get close and personal to you that you took the time to consider their feelings.
Like many skills, fellatio is absolutely improved by practice and positive feedback. The giver should try different techniques, work on new approaches and be open to instructions. The getter can be vocal too, in fact, he damn should be. The recipient of such unselfish attending must know their body, say what they like and lay on the praise when their partner does an exceptional job; compliments not only let people know that they’re doing something right but also makes them feel good. Even “anticlimactic” encounters warrant positive feedback. Some men simply do not have orgasms from oral sex (yes, it’s true) and this might frustrate a giving-it-their-all-until-they-get-lockjaw partner.
But even if the man in question doesn’t achieve orgasm from oral sex, he might nonetheless still get a great thrill from being on the receiving end of someone who really enjoys this particular kind of giving. So be vocal about the pleasure you are getting, clue your partner into the fact that, although you love the head they are giving you might not so readily come from it.
An important factor in performing good fellatio is knowing the primary pleasure spots on the penis and corresponding fun zones down there, and how to take to them with a little variety. Penises are complex critters, as can be the surrounding environs hot or cold spots of arousal depending on your dude. Lots of things can cause pleasure and/or discomfort. For giver and getter both a little awareness of individual likes and dislikes will pay dividends here.
In circumcised penises, where the foreskin has been removed, the “corona” (the ridge that runs around the head of the penis) can be very sensitive. In those who still have their foreskins, the head of the penis tends to be sensitive, as well, it’s just that you may have to work differently round a cut cock than you do around an uncut one.
Along with your mouth and tongue remember you have fingers, hands, a nose, a chin; you can even introduce toys while blowing. Variety in what you use, how you use it, and where you use it, to build, subside, tease, ignore, ‘eat’ with abandon, is key to keeping fellatio interesting for both parties.
As with everything else we have been talking about, how much pleasure you get out of fellatio depends on how much you enjoy it (getter and giver both). If you’re going down to Chinatown for your man’s eggroll but only come to lick, kiss and regard it with the smallest amount of enthusiasm, your man will damn well notice your lack of enthusiasm. And nothing will turn a person off quicker than feeling their partner is doing something out of a sense of duty, duress or maybe just once-a-year for their birthday.
Remember, a blowjob is just another aspect of making love—with all the trust, communication and desire that brings with it.