One of my earliest introductions to Erotic Fiction was through a story called “Alphabet Weekends”. It was the story of a couple who decide to take turns picking out a random letter of the alphabet every week, and planning a sexual activity around it every weekend. For example, “L” was for Librarian, where the girl dresses up as a sexy librarian to surprise her partner. “V” was for Vampire where the boyfriend plans out a Vampire-themed sex night. There were many creative ideas in there, such as “Z” for Zebra which involved painting the girl’s body in edible chocolate paint and licking it off. This opened up my mind to many ideas for potential roleplays. 

“That’s what’s so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don’t understand about us is that we’re geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes.” 
― Tristan Taormino, Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge

The idea of being somebody else for a night, performing to each other, changing up the mental space that leads up to sex, can be very exciting. It can help a couple discover new things that they enjoy together, bringing in props can help explore new and exciting sensations. Many roleplays involve an exchange of power or a fantastical scenario. But the things that excite us the most can also lie outside our comfort zone, so how do we ease ourselves into the exploration?

Here are a few tips that might help! 

1. Identifying the scenarios- 

Watching porn, reading erotica, exploring online sex stores can be various ways through which you can identify the different mediums that are available. What are they offering? Are they offering costumes or props? Do any of them excite you and your partner? Start with the things that you both unanimously agree would be fun. Start with easy, common fantasies which are easier to play out, such as teacher-student. 

“Vanilla is fine but Kink is so much better…” 
― Annie Edmonds, Second Chances Sammy’s Story #1

2. Sext about it

If you feel hesitant or awkward taking on the new role, it would help to use text as a way to explore the characters and their interactions. Think of a simple setting and talk over text in-detail to each other what you’d say, how you’d react. The process is likely to give you a lot of ideas. 

3. Start simple

It can be something very easy, such as meeting at a bar and pretending to be strangers. The simplest fantasies can sometimes have the most powerful effects on your libido. Start easy, you don’t even need a costume or a prop in the beginning. Just conversation, flirting, playfulness is more than enough to give you a memorable night with your partner. 

4. Always define objectives

Whenever you are roleplaying, remember that each character must have a distinct objective. If you stick to that, it is more likely to help you to react better. Acting IS Reacting! When you pursue an objective in the roleplay, it makes your responses much more natural. 

5. Mine pop culture! 

Do you guys enjoy watching some shows together? Do you have a favourite movie, a fictional couple, anything you relate to and would like to be? You can think about your favourite characters from romantic movies, science fiction, and move forward accordingly. The childish fantasizing can make for some great banter and amazing bonding moments. It will also bring you a lot of laughter in the process. 

Enthusiasm and playfulness are keys to great sex life. Eventually, you will probably find that you both prefer a certain kind of roleplay or theme more often than others, and that is okay. Explore first, then find what works, stick to it, and go out to explore all over again. 

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