I am a Sex Positive Blogger and Here is Why
Something that has been percolating in my mind for a long while is this idea of hiding in plain sight. As open relationships and non-monogamy become more mainstream, or at least a little less taboo, I find myself evolving in conjunction with it. My name for example has evolved from unpronounceable to not even being phased when one of the hosts of the Hunter Gash and Alley Cat show (A call in Swingers Show that I am lucky to be a guest on from time to time), said my full first name live on air.
When did this shift happen? Why did this shift happen? Is this something that others are experiencing too or am I just so far removed from the day to day stigmas that I feel comfortable living my most authentic life? I see a few people who are like me, showing their faces, using their real names, and sharing their stories in a very public way. But I also, have first hand witnessed podcasters, bloggers, and sexual educators closing up shop (so to speak), due to being outed in a community that just was not ready for their brand of truth.
For my part, I made a conscious decision to shift my bill paying income to be more in tune with who I am. And by that, I will no longer work for employers who would fire me on the spot if they ever found my blog. I have chosen jobs where, I knew hiding my identity was not a necessity to remain gainfully employed. And as I continue with this new line of thinking, I am finding an increasing amount of opportunities right in my desired wheelhouse. Be it coaching, writing, or even consulting for various people and industries in the sex positive community. But I can’t help but wonder if I am just in some sort of crazy vortex. Perhaps this isn’t how real people live.
Perhaps I have just been riding this fine line for so long that it has become normal to me. And I am used to just tweaking my trajectory when I see articles about Patreon or Paypal cracking down on sex workers. Or to see social media shadow-banning sex educators or people who have used terms like BDSM, or Kink in any capacity. I see this happening on a daily basis and I wish there was something more I could do to show people that sex isn’t bad. That we don’t have to fear all these things that we may not understand. I wish so badly, that I could just stand up and shout from the rafters that the people trying to regulate porn are on a fool’s errand that will legitimately get people hurt or even killed.
I was having a discussion the other day about the rising Syphilis outbreak in my home province. The couple both asked me why I thought this was. Now here’s the thing, yes, I can absolutely address why I think this is, and I am most likely correct. What I found humbling was the fact that I was even asked my thoughts on this. Is that what living in the open is really like? Sharing the countless experiences, volumes of research, and trying to always have my finger on the current pulse of our sexual society has brought me to? A place where my voice suddenly counts for something?
It’s hard, in moments like these not to feel a strong urge to succumb to the passive voice of the female I was raised to be. I want so badly to shy away from using the word expert. Or to minimize the amount of knowledge I have worked diligently to gain from the sex positive community. But, here I am, typing this anyways. Feeling empowered in boldly in saying yes, I have worked hard. And yes, I have earned my voice in these matters. I am proud of what my future looks like as a active participant in the sex positive community. At the end of the day, it doesn’t feel like am being brave, rather, it feels like my “duty” to blog, and discuss sex positive matters with any and all who reach out. That is what being a sex positive blogger has brought to my life, a platform that I can share, discuss, and continue to learn new things from.
Want to read more about non-monogamy or how to be sex positive? Please check out my series on Medium (new articles added monthly).