Lesbian Sex: A How-To

Emily Zawadzki, a femme lesbian and sex educator/writer tells you everything you should know about “lesbian sex”.

**Please Note: Although this article is entitled “Lesbian Sex”, the term refers to sexual activity between vulva havers, regardless of gender identity and/or sexual orientation!

Although sex between two women is often referred to solely as “lesbian sex”, there are many ways that women can experience same-sex pleasure that doesn’t necessarily have to do with sexual orientation. While yes, many women who have sex with women (WSW) identify as queer in some way, that doesn’t mean non-queer women are missing out on all of the fun. It can happen in experiences of group sex, coming out, and/or just being justifiably curious, as women are simply beautiful humans.

As a femme lesbian and sex educator/writer, I know a thing or two and I’m here to help; so here’s what’s you should know about “lesbian sex”.

Things To Remember:
Before we dive in, there are some important things to keep in mind:

  1. Vulvas are like snowflakes; meaning they are all unique and do not all respond in the same way to touches and sensations. What works for your body or for your last partner’s body may not be pleasurable at all for a new partner.

    This makes communication even more important as you can guide each other on how to provide the most pleasure and ensure everyone is enjoying themselves!

  2. Safety is still important even between two vulva-havers; think barriers! You can use a dental dam, gloves, finger cots, or even cut the tip off and up the side of a condom for a barrier. STI’s can be transmitted via fluids and contact (depending on which STI) and a barrier in place will lower this risk.

  3. Think about your nails; for some of the types of sexual activity you could be having, your fingers may be inside someone at some point. It’s healthy (and courteous) to ensure your fingernails are trimmed and cleaned prior to.

  4. Talk it out! As no two vulvas are the same, neither are vulva havers! As we are about to go over, there are quite a few ways to experience pleasure and that doesn’t mean that everyone is down for them all. Be sure to communicate about everything, check in as you go, and maybe even use a sex menu beforehand to go over what you like, dislike, and/or are curious about trying!

Ways To Play:

Oral Sex

This involves using your mouth on the vulva (and/or anus) to provide stimulation and pleasure. Things like licking, sucking, light nibbling, tongue penetration, etc. are all ideas on what you can do with your tongue while you are there.

For more ideas on how to perform oral sex on a vulva, check out my blog post for Stag Shop, “10 tips to tr-EAT right”.

Finger Play

Internally and/or externally, fingers can play a pretty big role in your play. From things like stroking/rubbing the vulva and clitoris to vaginal penetration with fingers, all the way to fisting – your fingers/hands can definitely be put to work.

Grinding

Another way for vulva-havers to play is to grind on eachother’s bodies. Sometimes referred to as “scissoring” and/or “tribbing” if specifically the vulvas/clits are being rubbed together, there are so many other ways to grind!

You could try grinding on their leg if you are sitting on top, their butt if you from behind, or on their face (commonly known as “face-sitting”).

Toys 

There are lots of different sex toys out there that you can use to enhance your play as well. Vibrators are a fun way to experience a different type of stimulation – especially if your hands are getting tired! Try looking for ones that will easily fit between your bodies so that you can experience the good vibes simultaneously…great for grinding!

Strap-ons are another toy to use together. One partner wears a harness with a penetrating piece, also known as a dildo, and can then use it on the other for penetrative sex in the vagina and/or anus.

…And More!

Mutual masturbation is a lower risk sexual activity in which you masturbate in front of each other, You can do it lying down, standing up, any way you want it! Not only is it super visually stimulating, but it is an opportunity for you to watch what they do to get themselves off so that you can do it later (and vice versa) …and they make for great quickies as well.😉

This guide serves as a brief intro as of course there are so many ways for our bodies to experience pleasure, and a lot of the fun is in the exploration!

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