sub·mis·sion[səbˈmiSHən]NOUN: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
Submission is often talked about like it’s a gift that is given to a Dominant. I recently saw something that described submission in the exact way I would want to describe it. Submission isn’t a gift, a gift is given with no expectation of anything in return. Submission is given with the expectation that the Dom will do all things with your best interest in mind, not just theirs. The Dom is always expected to respect and love you, and never cause you harm. Submission is earned by building a connection, trust and always being honest about one’s boundaries as well as the boundaries that we are wiling to push. It is characterized by the ability to trust that when you say your ‘Safe” word, things will stop immediately.
There are many misconceptions about the D/S dynamic or relationship; one being that a Dom/Sub relationship is just about a person trying to control their partner, that everything is about the Dom, their partner is a slave to their desires and when they are not obeyed, painful punishments will follow and be pleasurable to the Dom. It is important to remember that like in “vanilla” relationships, there are shit heads who abuse their partners. Abuse is not exclusive to the BDSM world. Gender & orientation has nothing to do with it. There are narcissist’s who walk our streets who take part in monogamous relationships, are god fearing & “upstanding” citizens in society, but behind closed doors, they beat, control & manipulate their partners. So yes this does exist in the BDSM world and makes many who truly understand the meaning of a D/S relationship sad about having to defend what we love.
Being a submissive in a D/S dynamic allows for a great release. For someone like me, who is a “boss lady” in their day to day life, the ability to release the reins to someone who has proven trustworthy can be truly euphoric! I know I love the moments when I don’t have to worry about making any decisions after being “on” all day with others, helping others find themselves, heal themselves, it can drain any person. Submission allows you to know you have made your limits known, you are safe & you can let go! The more trust you have in your Dom, the more you will be able to let go and let your desires flow more freely. Desires & boundaries can and will change, which I find so exciting. I love to imagine the new desires my Dom will inspire in me, taking me places I once thought I would never go. Inciting imagination. This is what being a Sub is about.
Remember, in a dynamic that is healthy & safe there will be discussions about both people’s limits and boundaries before play begins each time. Regular check-in’s ensure no harm will come to the Sub, or the Dom for that matter! And please never forget that consent & after care are a crucial part of D/S play. Being a Sub does not mean you lose your right to give consent EVER!
Some important things to remember after a session:
Aftercare is essential and will change depending on the session, it may be discussions about the scene paired with cuddling or caring for spots which were involved in the scene.
Subspace: most often seen as a sate of “high”. this often happens when a sub is controlled.
Subdrop can occur when aftercare is not done after a scene and can occur immediately after or can be delayed, it can present with flu-like symptoms or with extreme emotions. It can last minutes, hours or days so it is important for your dom to continue the aftercare and communication for days after a session.
When all these things are covered, you allow for amazing & fulfilling connections, scenes and relationships to happen. Each dynamic will differ as we are all unique, but some things that should always remain the same: your physical and mental safety is the most important thing. Your boundaries must always be respected, your submission is earned, not demanded! And from one submissive to another, you can be a strong, independent, opinionated human and still love to submit to a Worthy Dom!