Sex is one of those topics, isn’t it? It rouses feelings. Bring up sex in a group of people and the reactions are bound to be strong. The conversation might make some people uncomfortable or giggly or embarrassed, whereas others treat it with fascination. Still, others believe that it is better to do it than to talk about it.
From the very first sex ed class in school or from the reaction of parents to sex in movie scenes, children learn that this is a subject that is taboo. This grows with most people into adulthood, and normalising conversations about sex is difficult- we’ve never been taught HOW to bring it up, only that we maybe shouldn’t.
Women, in particular, hesitate to talk about sex with their friends, especially in terms of sharing negative experiences- talking about sexual problems can be very awkward if you don’t have a certain level of comfort and assurance that you will not be judged. At its worst, this creates communication gaps within sexual relationships- an overwhelming number of women have to fake orgasms to please their partners. Sex is a mutual, participative experience that is incomplete without communication and giving feedback.
Here are some ways in which talking about sex can greatly improve your sex life!
1) Practising communication means getting your needs met
Do you wish your partner should try out something new with you in bed? Do you wish they would do something differently? It will never happen if you don’t talk about it!
2) Gives you an idea of how to cater to your partner’s needs
You can both become better sexual partners for each other simply by asking the right questions! Make it a habit to check in with your partner- do you like that? Do you want me to be harder or softer, faster or slower? Do you want me to spend longer doing this or that?
3) Exploring together
Sharing ideas and fantasies can spice up your sex life and make for amazing memories. Intimacy deepens as couples share memorable experiences. If bringing up sexual fantasies feels awkward or difficult, you could share a story or reference a similar situation from a movie. That can be a good conversation starter to try and explore things you’ve never done before.
4) Normalizes the conversation
Talking about sex with your partners or even your friends, in the context of a discussion, normalises the conversation surrounding sex. Unfortunately, due to inadequate sex education and misinformation from porn, a lot of people still have a great many misconceptions about sexuality. NOBODY should suffer from lack of information in today’s age! But most people, as curious as they may be about sex, will not make an effort to educate themselves. Conversations in intimate circles are a great way to expand awareness.
5) Learning from the experiences of others
Sharing sexual experiences and problems with your trusted friends and building a safe space is very important- it enables you to learn from their experiences. Your friends might be able to help you and point you towards solutions or give you insights if you are stuck in a rut with your sex life! Building circles of support empowers us in our personal lives and expands our horizons.
The silence surrounding sexuality and pleasure is harmful and limiting. We all need to start having open conversations in our daily lives for a more fulfilled existence, and we have to unlearn the discomfort we’ve been brought up with. So bring out some wine, call a friend or a partner, and bring up that thing which has been on your mind. It can only get better from there.